+2 Helm of Great Anxiety

So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I’ve also been a lot less active on twitter, there’s been 3 untitled and unfocused episodes that we’ve recorded and I haven’t edited, and I spent most of a Christmas party hiding in a room to get a way from the cacophony. I’ve been quite busy in my avoidance of doing much.

One of the few social things I’ve been doing is running a pen and paper RPG game called Pathfinder (very Dungeons & Dragons-esq). The party took down a magic user, and was rewarded with a piece of gear that increased their intelligence (see, those glasses do make me look smarter). I joked about it being cursed. When they asked me what the curse did, I told them it would make them second guess every decision, and increase the difficulty of social interactions. Then what I said clicked and my brain froze.

While most of the party tried to figure out how that would work mechanically, I noticed that one of the players had the same far off look that was in my eyes.

She asked me if I knew what I had made, not really looking at me.

I did. I had brought the curse of anxiety into the fantasy world, and while the rest of the group may have forgotten, the memory of it has been stuck in the back of my mind for weeks.

I have anxiety. That’s just a fact of my life.Sometimes it manifests itself in not being able to write anything, because I think that no one will care and everyone will hate me for it, even though they don’t care. Anxiety is rarely logical. Pretty much the same thing happened with the podcasts. I didn’t edit them, and then too much time passed, and I felt like I couldn’t any more. Maybe I will, soon.

I guess I’ve taken the last few weeks off to try to get my head together. I think it’s mostly back in the right order. I’ve got a rough draft that I need turn into a first draft, I’ve got short stories that need to be polished and submitted, I’ve got a few other projects on the radar, and I’m going to try and post most here, flash fiction and real things and all that. Hell, I got a Star Wars review that I should probably write. Things are happening, as long as I can manage to do them.

You can’t really get rid of a cursed item by yourself. Sometimes you never can, especially if it’s not really a curse and it’s just part of who you are. You make do. You work around your limitations. You keep going.

Anyway, that’s what’s up with me. I’ve got a few days off from the day job, so creative stuff should flow pretty soon. Hope you’re having/had/will have a great holiday!

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One thought on “+2 Helm of Great Anxiety

  1. It’s good that you’re making plans creatively, Fred. I hope the writing itself is good therapy (I find it is – and totally equate with this post.) I’d missed your postings, so glad you’re back on the radar. Have a good Christmas.
    PS I’ve managed to avoid all the Xmas ‘dos’ this year – I don’t feel the loss.

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